Sexual addiction
Sexual addiction is rapidly becoming recognised as a major social problem with similarities
more well-known to alcohol and drug addiction or compulsive gambling. We are becoming
accustomed to hearing about sexual scandals in our communities, in the workplace,
schools and government. Sometimes we experience shocking sexual discoveries in our
own families, involving people we know personally. Many of these situations are
better understood if we have some knowledge about sexual addiction.
Starting in the late 1970's a psychologist and researcher, Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.,
was instrumental in the initial identification and treatment of sexual addiction
as a condition. He is also responsible for sending accurate information about it
into the hands of professionals. Carnes states, "Contrary to enjoying sex as a self-affirming
source of physical pleasure, the sex addict has learned to rely on sex for comfort
from pain, for nurturing or relief from stress," comparable to the alcoholic's purposeful
use of alcohol. Sexual addiction can have many forms but in general, the addiction
has three main characteristics, the sex is shameful, secret and often abusive (plus
self-destructive).
Here are several examples:
- Compulsive masturbation--accompanied by mental images or thoughts about sex, or
while viewing sexual images on the TV or computer screen or while looking at pornographic
publications (or even while looking at non-sexual material, such as underwear or
swimwear ads).
- Compulsive sex with prostitutes--this can be with female or male prostitutes or
transvestites
- Anonymous sex with multiple partners, "one night stands" picked up at bars, or sex
with strangers in parks or restrooms, or sex in any number of anonymous situations,
where sex is the object and no relationship is established with the person.
- Multiple affairs outside a committed relationship, or serial relationships (one
after the other).
- Frequent patronizing of topless bars, sexually-oriented tanning salons, adult bookstores
or sexual massage establishments.
Current estimates suggest that about 8% of the total population of men in the United
Kingdom are sexually addicted. The Internet has become the most rapidly growing
form of sexual acting out. One of the characteristics of sexual addiction is that
it is progressive--that is, the habitual behaviours progressively become more frequent,
varied and extreme. The sexual thrills lead to spending huge amounts of time, moving
more quickly into more extreme behaviours, taking greater risks, and getting caught
more frequently. The problems don't go away on their own and the addiction can become
overwhelming, not just to individuals but also to families. Internet sex has been
referred to as the "crack cocaine" of sex addiction.
Self-Test for sexual addiction
- Do you frequently fantasize or think about sex?
- Have you made promises to yourself or others to change or stop some of your sexual
behavior, and then broken these promises?
- Does your sexual desire cause you to associate with people you wouldn't normally
be with or do things you wouldn't usually do?
- Has frequenting sex sites on the internet for sexual stimulation become a habit
for you?
- Do you frequently engage in sexual chat in sexually oriented chat rooms on the internet?
- Is masturbation a frequent activity for you?
- Do you have or have you had an extensive collection of pornography or other X-rated
material?
- Have you disposed of a pornography collection and then started collecting it again?
- Do you with some regularity rent (or buy or make your own) X-rated videos?
If you think you might be suffering from sexual addiction, or have answered "yes"
to three or more of the following questions, you can gain help from attending a
treatment and support group. Click
here for further information.